Someone shit on the floor
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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