im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
