Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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