We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
