I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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