I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have so many feelings about this burrito
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dear god my vagina.
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