Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wear drunk well.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
