So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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