There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
