Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
