Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
