i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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