I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
