I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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