so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
