i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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