YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
