I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
