when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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