please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
