I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
