we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well I just put wine in my tea
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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