I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
whose parrot is this?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
