But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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