dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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