wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
