I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
