Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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