Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
