so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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