I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
