WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
