Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
