Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
