Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
