I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
