You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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