I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
