Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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