i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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