How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
