I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
