respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
