I cockslap morals
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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