I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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