happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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