I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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