the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
