You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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