I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it because I queefed?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize