she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
