I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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