I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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