i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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