So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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