I want to make a zoo with you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
