What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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