is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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