and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
