This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The Olympian is in my bed
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