Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
