I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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