It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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