Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
