She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
