you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize