You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
