Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
