My liver just broke up with me...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
