Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
