You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
