I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
