Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
