Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
