Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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