Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
